Tag Archives: adoption

A life’s legacy

Wow, so I guess a lot can happen in just a few short days. Hubby’s grandfather died one week ago today, and it still seems like just yesterday we got the news that he was hospitalized. He went in peace though. He’s finally with the woman that he loved for over 50 years….50 years, can you imagine 50 years?!?! In today’s society where more than half of all marriages end in divorce, this man remained faithful, dedicated and in love with one woman…I can only hope that hubby and I are the same.

I know we will though. Dh’s “abuelito” taught him how to be a man. He taught him how to love a woman, how to play a great game of soccer, and how to remain constant regardless of the curve balls life seems to throw at you. I too learned so much from this man, and have never really understood what it feels like to lose someone of such importance and love. Yes, we lost our baby, and I’ll never forget that day..but losing a man who had done so much for so many, and literally watching his life slip away makes a person analyze what life really means.

Does it mean having the best of everything? Does it mean leaving a huge inheritance behind, or having a title worthy career? Yes, we’ve all heard this before, and to many it probably sounds very cliche. But it only hit home when I had to say good bye to a man that I just realized meant so much to me and our family. It was in that moment that I realized what a good life means.

It means being thankful for the air in your lungs. It means loving the man you promised to love for all eternity the best way that you can. It means making people (not just family and friends) feel loved. Giving more than taking. It means loving what I have and not cursing what I don’t. It means accepting the fate that you have been giving and learning how to make do.

I know that I can’t say that I won’t wish I could have had our own child. And that I won’t curse the fact that I can’t, but I can say that losing him has made me open my eyes to other possibilities. DH and I have begun to talk about taking another path. We just found out that while only a US citizen here, he has duel citizenship in Mexico where he was born. So, in an effort to create a family, and still seem connected to DH’s “home,” we’ve started to talk about Mexican adoption. I never thought I would ever utter those words, and I thought that if I did, it would be with a heavy heart. But by learning from “abuelito,” life is what you make of it, not how life is made.

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Hello world!!!

Sorry for the longest hiatus in blogger history, but with work and everything else going on, I’ve barely had time to keep track of the days. It’s been a while so there’s lots to tell, but of coarse there’s no new news on the baby front. Because of my new job I had to put off the last IUI and just my luck, had the AF that they wanted me to have…long, heavy and painful. The Dr. said that I needed one of those to start “fresh” and that I may have better results. Of coarse I skipped the IUI so who know’s, guess it wasn’t meant to be. Today marks CD2 for me, and lucky for us, we get to finish our last IUI. One year from the date that we started this whole mess. It’s funny as I look back over the past year, I think about how my hopes and expectations have changed in just a matter of 12 months. Last year, I was convinced that I would have a newborn this year, or at least be pregnant. Now, one year later, I can’t say that I even know what’s in store 6 months from now. Dh and I have given everything a lot of thought, and we decided that come April we will be going through with IVF. If that fails, then we will take a long break from baby making, dreaming, planning, etc. for about two years then start to think about adoption. I can’t believe this infertility journey has taken me from hopeful to regretful, disappointed to angry, and now I’ve finally come to acceptance. What do ya know, after actually seeing my stages, I realized they look a lot like the stages of grief. I’m moving on with my world, I won’t allow this to rule my life anymore. While I’ll always be hopeful, I have to remain grateful for the things that I have and work at the things that I can change, instead of obsess over the things I can’t. I’m sorry if this sounds like a pitty party, by no means do I want it to sound like that, in fact, I want it to sound like hope for anyone who is out there, that may, unfortunately be just beginning on this infertile journey. I’m happy at where we are now. I may not have everything that I want, but the most important things like, a husband who loves me, friends who support me, and a family to lean on, puppies who humor me, and a lifestyle I can be proud of. For now, I will count the blessings that I have. That’s all I can do.

 

I know I have been a HORRIBLE blogger, commenter, reader, etc., but I’m doing my best to change that. I have a million blogs to read, and probably a million more comments to make, but bear with me.

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