Well I made it through Christmas without a tear. I can’t say that I didn’t have to fight it though. As I look back over 2008 I know that I made at least a few mistakes. I’m not proud of em, but I did learn from them. With all the hormones, injections, IUIs and Clomid far behind me now I’m kinda hoping that I can just try to move on from all of this. I’m hoping 2009 will be hopeful, but I know I need to remain realistic. I can’t let my fantasy of being pregnant consume every month and every day. I look back and see that I lost so much time just worrying about whether or not we made a baby. I lost precious time with my husband, family and friends. But still, I don’t regret it. Like every year since 2004, I will continue to hope for a better year full of pampers, pacifiers, breast feeding, maternity clothes, ultra sounds, baby smells and positive HPTs. But, I will not lose myself hoping for it all. Every year on the 31st when I give my husband our New Year’s kiss I still ask for the same thing…to conceive on our own, to have a healthy full term pregnancy and to birth a live and healthy baby. And even though that was part of my New Year’s wish, I wished for me to find happiness in the everyday things that present themselves. Well, here’s to all of us moms in waiting that 2009 will not only bring a renewed sense of hope, but restored sense of faith in ourselves.