Am I a Grinch?

I told myself that I wouldn’t write so much anymore as to not dwell on something I cannot change. And then  AF decided to show up and, I just can’t anymore. This would have been our baby’s first Christmas. I can’t help but think that everytime I venture out into Christmas Hell (i.e. the mall). Everywhere I turn, there’s baby boys and girls dressed up in their Christmas best ready to take pictures to send to everyone they may or may not even know. It sucks…..It sucks even more when I have to buy for everyone elses baby’s first Christmas. It’s kinda like one of those feelings you get when you spary antiseptic on a wound. It stings, makes you curse out loud, and then wonder how the hell you ended up with the wound in the first place. I’m trying to get through it with the power of positive thinking..”Don’t worry, you’ll be shopping for your baby to be, or little Christmas miracle next year.” I feel like getting pregnant has become almost a New Year’s Resolution..We all know how long those last.

And to add some more salt to my boo boo…IVF will have to wait until AUGUST!!! Hubby got military orders and will be gone from March to May..just long enough to miss the quarterly IVF for April. I’m looking at it as a blessing though. Maybe God just doesn’t intend for us to use IVF and spend that much money because I’ll get pregnant and conceive the old fashioned; and don’t forget free way. Or…maybe he knows that our wallets and credit scores are screaming for a break and he knows that we just can’t afford it…either way, the military has once again chosen how we will handle our fertility. In some strange way though, I’m glad they did. It kinda made my decision for me since I was still so uncertain. It worked.

Well, I haven’t written in a while, but i have been reading up on my favs. Good luck to you all, and Merry Christmas!!



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5 responses to “Am I a Grinch?

  1. BOO on AF. (((hug)))

    And I hear ya on the mall business…*sigh* I havent” even had the guts to try going yet, and everyday that passes it will just get worse and worse.

    Hopefully this is over soon and we can all at least not have this crap rubbed in our faces everyday.


  2. sandysays1

    Sounds like you could use a laugh. Visit me at and enjoy my Christmas post, “Claus and the Consultant.”

  3. emilythehopeless

    i too, can’t wait for christmas to be over!

  4. mkwewer

    Join the Grinch club sister. My boys would be 4 months old for Christmas. Good times. Oh and I miscarried on Saturday at 6 weeks. I have a plan to sleep until New Year’s, join me, won’t you?

  5. vamplita

    This would have been our baby’s first Christmas too. She/He was to have been born earlier in December. Suffice it to say, this wasn’t the most cheerful Christmas I’ve ever experienced.

    It shouldn’t have to be this way, but there you are. My sincere hope is that the stench of 2008 stays in the past, and that this year will be much kinder and gentler to us all.

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