Another year has seem to slip by. This time last year I was donning a sexy costume and doing jello shots thinking that I would party hard because within a few months I would be pregnant, and by halloween I would have my own little pumpkin to dress up. We would be celebrating a first halloween. My first halloween pregnant, or the baby’s first year of giggles and pictures. But, that year quickly zoomed by, and it looks like another year of jello shots, and tequila..Lots of tequila. I’ve earned it.
I’ve decided to cut myself some slack and let loose again. I know that I will probably have years of halloween parties and new year’s eve nights to not remember, but I’m learning that may not be as bad as I had envisioned. Throughout this journey I kept my friends informed, but never let them know just how hurt all of the baby making was. But in the end, I finally caved and spilled the beans, and even though they didn’t seem to understand the whole thing, I know they were making an effort to. Ever since we’ve moved so far from home my friends have been the closest thing to family that I’ve had. They’ve given prayers and encouragement and tequila when things just didn’t go accordingly to plan. They have been great, and I can’t forget that. Just because things haven’t gone my way, doesn’t mean that nothing has worked out. I’ve made friends that I know I will keep for life. They’ve held my hair after I puked my brains out once I learned that nothing would fix the baby maker, and they’ve laughed at all my little antics and sarcasm about infertility. So I owe it to them, and me and DH to have fun with them. Enjoy the time that we do have together before the military splits us all up and sends us all over the world. This year, I will not party like it’s my last halloween as a mommy in waiting, this year I will party as the woman who has earned to laugh and smile with the “family” that has gotten me through the roller coaster of disappointment and heartache. So if you’re watching the news and you happen to hear about some whacked out crazy ass roaming the streets, that may just be the crazy ass infertile lady finally letting loose.