Still here, and still going through nightly Bravelle injections and just finished my Clomid for the LAST TIME!!!! Could I be any more relieved? You know when you finish a project and you kind of get that “Ahh, it’s over feeling?” Well, that’s how I’ve been feeling this month. I’m a little disappointed that all of this has been for nothing, but I’m anxious to get back to normal for a few months, right in time for the holidays. I know I have a lot of tearful nights ahead of me, but at least I have some closure. We still don’t know what’s wrong exactly, but at least we know that it’s nothing that we did or didn’t do. It’s obviously a force bigger, and quite possibly, wiser than us. I can’t say that I’m even a little hopeful for this last cycle…I guess I just want to be able to say that we tried EVERYTHING possible to have a baby before we chose IVF. This last “try” is just part of the routine before we can go through IVF with the military. So, to follow with the routine, this will be the sixth, and final IUI. But it’s not really a sad time for us, it’s kind of like closing the chapter on that part of our life, and opening a new chapter or two, about our lives, not just our failed baby making attempts. These next few months will actually get to be about “Us,” then come March, we can give the IVF our fighting chance, and if that doesn’t work, well then, we’re on to “life.” Life? I almost forgot what that was. But I’m starting to remember, and I’m starting to look forward. Forward to fall, and Thanksgiving, winter and Christmas. Maybe even a trip back home just in time for the “smell of fall” to be around. I love fall.
I love to smell the crisp air, watch the leaves change, the smell of apples and cinnamon and pumpkin spice in the stores and coffee shops. I like waiting for the snow to fall (back home of coarse). Texas would never get that lucky. I love the chance to be with family, I love to EAT, and I love knowing that this time of year means there will soon be a chance to put this year behind us, and look forward to the new one. See, there is life after infertility. It can hurt like hell, take every breath in your body, waste every tear you thought you didn’t have, turn your body into a puffy blimp, and yet, it can still leave you with the fact that you have to keep moving forward.
“Time can’t be bought, sold or traded, it always goes forward and never looks back.”- Anon.
I think I might give time a try.