AF: “Well hello sweetie it’s been a while, 28 days to be exact.”
ME: “Yo bitch make yourself at home. As you already know IUI #5 has not worked. But I figured as such, so I went ahead and changed the sheets for you. Not that you won’t be staying long (hint hint).”
AF: “Me, little ol me?” “I never stay too long. Just long enough to send you a message from my mother, mother nature..I think she told me to tell you something like Fuck you, get a life, there’s no baby in that womb of yours, then said to give you this…”as she ever so delicately gives the finger.
ME: “Why thank you for that. I needed yet another reminder that I am a freak of biology. What rags would you prefer for your stay? Playtex or Kotex?” “After all, I might as well keep you comfy. Maybe you will show me a little gratitude, please?”
AF: “Oh how nice of you to ask me, but don’t worry my pet, I will soon see you again.”
ME: “Yes Auntie I’m sure you will. Same time next month? But guess what??” I won’t care if you come next month or even the month after. Wanna know why?? Cuz I just landed the coolest job around and should really focus on being a successful career woman since I’m not so successful in the fertile department. So please send a message to Mother Nature for me, SCREW YOU!!!!!!!” And please give her a swift kick in the ass, and the finger just to top it off. GO ME!!!!!!
Ok so, she hasn’t reared her bright red face as of yet, but I will be expecting her on Sunday or Monday just a day or two before my big first day at my new big girl job, but hey, she can tag along if she feels the need to. Right now, her home girl PMS aka bitchy has taken up shop and I am officially the size of a small village, and seem to have eaten everything in sight including the villagers. So until she comes I will continue to snack on all things chocolate, fried and sugarfied. Considering that my ovaries have been through hell and back, I guess they deserve any break that they can get.
Which, speaking of, since I have a mandatory orientation right around the days that I should be going to the RE, I will have to ask if we can put our last IUI on hold for a month or two at least until I get a little more comfortable in asking for the time. I mean, what’s the point really? I’ve had 5!!!!, yes, that’s one hand full of IUIs and none of them have even come close to a BFP, so I don’t see the rush in seeing yet another Big Fuckin Negative. Which means I will most definitely be pushing the IVF back as well. I can’t and won’t have the vacation time to take in January for the days needed to devote to Lupron, and Gonal-F injections, egg retrieval and then transfer. So what’s the point in even trying to rush through the whole thing. I guess I will just have to sit motherhood out another year. Please don’t think that by my tone I’m not kicking and screaming, because I am. But, I have to play the cards that I have in my hand instead of trying to bluff the dealer.. i.e “The Big Man Upstairs.” So for now, I will quietly sit on the mommy bench and hope the best for all of you.