Frostbitten feet in 100 degree weather

I have officially revoked my “No Vacancy” sign thanks to the bitch IVF coordinator in the RE clinic. I’ve been putting off the confirmation call to her since last week to let her know that we would like to be in the Jan. ’09 group of IVF in hopes that I might be in store for a miracle…But I’m not. We had the IUI done on Sunday, and I am already planning that this one did not work. I don’t even feel anything from the HcG trigger which is odd, but I am willing to go to Vegas with my bet that this round did not take (insert shocked and surprised face then follow up with ‘the finger’) Not to anyone that might be reading this, but to that bitch so many refer to as Mother Nature, and her evil spawn Relaxation. Both seem to hate me and therefore would prefer me to bench the game of motherhood.

Anways, I finally got the nerve to call this morning and confirm the IVF. I was asked a ton of questions, reminded that I would need some repeat tests given that they will be expired by January, reminded me that I MUST be below a BMI of 30 then politely asked my weight. She goes on and on about allergies and smoking, drinking and injections, BCPs and whatever else that seemed to come to her mind. Then, as if to say “fuck you” she told me that the fees had increased since this year and therefore I should expect to double the fees quoted on the page given to me by McSteamy. Ummm, hello, haven’t you ever heard of false advertisement lady? I should call the BBB on your ass. She finished by letting me know that the funds would need to be received no later than November 1 of this year. Right then and there I watched my purse barf and imagined my husband’s wide eyes when I told him the great news. I asked what would happen should he get deployed and said that he would need a letter from the commander of his flight to verify the claim, then we would have to meet with the board to discuss the case, should we choose to cancel the IVF.

Holy shit, I have officially entered the RE Federal Pen, next I should be given an orange jumpsuit and my very own shank. Whatever happened to “choice?” Seeing as I’m a Taurus, and I hate being told what I can and can’t do I immediately went in to what I refer to as Fuck You Mode. My feet became more than a little cold, more like frost bitten when I hung up the phone with the correctional officer, I mean IVF nurse. I got to thinking, and on the way to work, while wiping the tears from my face, I began to think that maybe we had made the wrong decision. In my heart of hearts, I don’t feel that I am ready to play with those kind of emotions, and that kind money in just a matter of two months.

I’ll talk with DH tonight and see what his wishes are, but I truly hope he will understand that maybe we’re just not ready for such a gamble. I’ve been told that there is at least a 60% chance that IVF will work, but all in all, let’s face it..I seem to be part of the 40% more often than not. Plus it’s already August, and we already have a lot planned for next year, weddings to go to out of the country, vacation, our graduations, and then planning yet again another move. It just seems right to want to wait until August of ’09 when we could get through the crazy first part of the year, save the entire amount of money, and write a check instead of swipe the Mastercard. I know this may seem a little selfish, and for some just plain crazy..But for me, I feel like my DH and I need to feel confident in us and our marriage again before we go jumping off the high dive. So, the question now, to I get the balls and call back tomorrow and say oops, I made a mistake, but please feel confident in us pursuing the August round? Or do I do the ol’ drop off the face of the Earth routine and “lose” the contract that will be sent by mail, and find it just a day after the deadline? Geeze, I need a drink!!


1 Comment

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One response to “Frostbitten feet in 100 degree weather

  1. mkwewer

    Oh geez….double? I’m sorry, this sounds like it’s going to be a long night for you and the husband….

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