So it goes with the baby making routine. AS expected, they didn’t call to confirm the appt. but I had a feeling and what do ya know?!?!? I was right!!
I was on the schedule, but the bitch, I mean the nurse, forgot to call. If I only had a baby for everytime I heard that phrase. I was able to get seen and McSteamy let me know that there was slots available for the Jan. IVF cycle, and really encouraged us to get on the list. He said that he was able to make a few exceptions for us and that if we wanted the chance, the offer was on the table. My DH smiled and I as I looked at him I could see the hope that he had in his eyes, and like a kid in a toy store, he was full of innocent happiness. I reluctantly felt my heart ache and that all knowing voice in the back of my head began to remind me that I tend to be on the wrong side of statistics more often than not. I could feel that lump in my throat begin to swell as I came to the final conclusion..Yes people, my girls and ute are definitely broken…I am infertile, and this where the road has taken me. WOW!!! It finally felt real. I know I try really hard to avoid the words “infertile” and “me” in the same sentenance, but I guess God had other plans for me. So, come December, I will be unwrapping a big box of syringes, meds and dildo cams with a bright shiny bow on top. So that come January, I will be bringing a baby new year into this world. At least that’s the plan for now.
I did have the usual legs open dildo cam routine today and McSteamy found 4!!! yes, 4 follies. Though none of them that big. Three were between 14/15 and my bitchy right ovary decided to crank out one just over 16. But, endo was only at a 6 so there were some concerns with this but right now I just need to go with the flow. My trigger is tomorrow night and then its lots of BD’ing then IUI on Sunday then even more BD’ing after that. (So if I don’t write for a few days..) I’m not really betting anything on these last two IUI cycle’s and really are just doing them now to say that we exhausted every effort we had before we chose IVF. If anyone out there knows of any tricks, other than baby aspirin to thicken the womb, the advice would be much appreciated. I mean, I could offer to change the wallpaper in there, but something tells me it’s not the color of the place that repels an embryo.
I’m having some serious O pains on the left and right side though. Maybe my factory isn’t as rusty as I imagine it. Maybe IVF would be like the WD-40 that my baby machine would need. Moving on is so much harder than I thought it would be. I thought that I could just accept where we are and be happy, but right now I think I’m just trying to cope with this and move on in whatever path I’m meant to follow.