Monday, ugh. The weekend went by ok, I guess. Friday was an early release from work so I got the whole day to get the house CLEAN. Yes, I know, I am obssesive, but for me, cleaning is almost like therapy. It gives me time to think and not have anyone bother me. Afterall, why would DH wanna bother me in fear that he may have to help if he does?

Later that night, it seemed as though my heart was breaking into a thousand pieces and all I could do was smile and make conversation. We went to dinner with some of my DH’s “closest” friends.  I say that loosely, because he claims they are his best friends, even though they have not made ONE attempt to meet me, or see him in the last 4 YEARS!!!! We’ve been married for over 4 years now, and not until Friday had they ever even knew what I looked like. Mind you, my best friends have been a huge part of our lives since day one. In fact, my best friend married his friend. As you can tell, I was already a little bitter about the whole thing anyways. But wait, this is me we’re talking about so that means it only got worst from that point on.

After an awkward introduction in which I stared at my shoes and barely said one word, we were also introduced to some of their friends. A very attractive personal trainer, and 39 week pregnant and beautiful wife…No no wait, the story  gets deeper. Since the restaurant was packed we were all forced to wait and try to make conversation with complete strangers. So what better way to initiate the jabber fest then have DH’s friend say, “well bro, I wanted to tell you in person, we’re pregnant.” WTF!!! wait one more just for fun. WTF!!!! we smiled and politely congratulated them and asked when she was due, and how far along she was…You know, cuz that’s what all people should do right?

It was then that the bar, which was within my reach, seemed fucking irresistable!!! “Bartender, I will have anything that you have that will get me out of this insanely fucked up meet and greet!!” Jose, yes I know him. Jack, I seem to recall a few good laughs with him. Captain Morgan, yes I would love to take another ride on his boat. But, I had to remind myself that I too was pregnant, at least for my sanity.

Then the ominous question came up. “So when are you guys gonna have one?” Listen here fucker if it wasn’t for my bum ovary, and some unanswered prayers, I’d be up two on you by now…Yes, I know harsh, for someone that I just met, so I decided to smile, and have DH respond to his “best friend.” A best friend that is obviously not clued in on our misfortunes. DH chuckled and said that it would happen when the timing was right. His friend laughed and told him that he would be old by the time we’re ready then. Yes asshole, let me dust off my ute and clear the cobbwebs out just because you were one of the 85% of couples who can conceive and now thinks we will be senior citizen parents. His wife tells us that they were so happy that it took only one try. She threw out the pills, and they got pregnant, “like magic,” she says. Did I forget to mention that I hate the words “like magic.”

Well people, get ready to dive, because it only gets deeper. After some small talk about where we all live in reference to the restaurant, it turns out that we all live in the same fucking neighborhood!!!!! Well, the way prego lady, and her hubby, and the hubby’s twin and his beautiful med student wife. In fact, they live only four houses down. Goes to show you, just how outgoing neighbors we are I guess.

We ate dinner, and I happily made conversation, but couldn’t hope anymore that it would all end soon. It did, and we were out of there in a flash, but I guess nothing is really over, right??

The next night our neighbors invited us all over for poker and beer night. Well, for the hubby’s anyways. The little women would have to make do with seltzer water and lime seeing as they were ALL knocked up. I just couldn’t do it. I sent DH for the both of us, and asked him to make up something, as to why I wasn’t joining in on the fun.

I know  I need to positive, and I am truly trying. It’s just that I knew that I would make myself my doubt in getting pg. even more. I would find myself staring at their bellies, maybe getting a little jealous, feel that all knowing pain in my chest and then eventually cry myself to sleep. i just couldn’t do it.

The weekend did get better, and now I am trying to get back on the positive track. I don’t feel any pg. symptoms, but I’m really holding onto hope this time.