And the medal of valor goes to…

ME!!! I did it. I actually gained the courage to call the IF clinic this morning. Apparently there have been huge changes since I’ve been gone. As usual, I called the shitty, sucky, never call me back message line to let the bitch of a nurse know that she had shown up. To my surprise, the voice on the message line didn’t sound like “her,” and usually you get the generic leave your name, social and phone number and will call you back within one business day.Not this time, I mean it does tell you that, but it also asks for patients interested in the WHMC RE clinic to call another number, the wait list is like 6-8 months to begin any treatment, and it would take at least 6 weeks to get a consult. It can never be a good sign when it says “due to high call volume.” WTF??!! I was getting pushed aside before we took those months off, because they we soo busy, now this??? Didn’t I just say that this go round I am EXPECTING to be treated like a patient, and not a cow going to slaughter? This can not be a good sign.

Like I said, I do appreciate the military for giving us such a great FREE gift, but what’s the point of enduring all of the needle pricks, dildo cams, sperm cups, and ejaculate rooms if the Drs. aren’t really invested in what they do, and how they treat patients. Everytime I go in there, I can tell that they really don’t care that they hold our hopes and dreams in their latex gloves. To them, we’re just part of the good or bad statistics, not a husband and wife who are fearful, hopeful, worried and desperate for a child of our own. They never allow any time for questions, hell they barely make eye contact with me. Maybe all of this has been the reason that I haven’t wanted to go back. Of course I’m terrified of the possibility that I could leave that clinic even more broken than I went in, and without a child. But those are doubts, and I can not let those doubts in. We have too much to lose in this and I can’t wrap my mind around not having biological child. But the way that they treat us, and they things that they do to show us that they don’t care is what really adds to everything. I’m sure the lovely Dr. prego that was very nice is out on maternity leave since it’s been like 3 months since I’ve been there. McDreamy probably won’t be there either. That means I’m left with one asshole after another. Lord I can only hope.

I’m trying to be optimistic about this whole thing. I really am. All I keep focusing on is my baby’s face. I think of the names I’ve picked, the colors that we chose for a nursery, I walk by baby clothes and try not to buy anything, hell sounds crazy, but I’ve already thought about what bottles we would use. All that’s missing is our baby. I’m not as scared as I was last month, which has to be a good sign. I can’t say that I’m completely prepared, but at least I didn’t break into a hysterics when she came last night. It was like, ok she’s here, get tampons, go for a walk and start clearing calendars. I guess that means I’m back in the trying for a baby race. Good luck to us all. I’ll be hoping for BFPs for all of us



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2 responses to “And the medal of valor goes to…

  1. I have thought so many times of my babies names and clothes to buy. I’ll tell you a secret, I bought a baby outfit once, about 2 years ago. It’s somewhere in one of my boxes now. 😦

    I hope for hope that we will all get a BFP this year.

  2. vamplita

    We all do that, in one form or another. I can’t think of a single woman who’s dreamed of getting pregnant who _hasn’t_ at least thought about baby names and whether or not the baby would look like her.

    Your message (and Mr. Osteen’s) about staying positive hits home. I’ve always been a person who thought of if not _the_ Worst Case Scenario, then surely it was in the top five. It’s an everyday struggle for many of us, because, in the immortal words of Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”, “the negative stuff’s easier for us to believe”. Your blog reminds me that I need to rewrite my inner recordings. Thanks! 🙂

    Good luck this month – I’m wishing you the best!

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