Moving On

My temps haven’t dropped yet (99.00), but the brown spotting is a pretty good sign that we will be moving on to injections. I’m still fearful, and anxious, but, if I am to follow Mr. Olsteen’s rules, I can’t let myself think of the impossibilities. I am still very nervous about being back on Clomid…so is my DH. He mentioned to me that he’s not as stressed when I’m not on the med. since I have killer PMS. I don’t blame him. There were times when I hated myself, and I knew I was being a bitch. I did notice however, that after looking over my previous months of temps I started to realize that I was O’ing, but then only 11/12 days later I was cycling again. I don’t mean to be a hypochondriac, but I think its grounds enough to discuss, even if the docs don’t want to. Since the morning clinic is soo busy, there is never time to ask any questions, and if you do, you get this look as if they don’t want to be bothered. It’s as if all they are there for in the morning is to look at vajayjays, complete morning scans, count follies, and leave. We’re all basically on a cattle track. I’m lucky to even get my blood results from the last draw.

Now that I have had some time away from the clinic and know the routine, I feel much more confident in bringing my concerns to the table. I guess I also need to understand that there will only be three more shots at this, and I need to be as proactive as possible. I know I have said this before, and the last month I was treated I was. But that wasn’t enough. I deserve to be treated like a patient. A patient with fears, questions and concerns, and just because they are giving us such a great oppurtunity doesn’t mean that I have to feel like we owe them.

On another note, the 4th was actually really fun. I did find myself missing my family, but then I looked at my DH and realized that having him home this holiday is all the family that I need. Since he’s military, I often find myself looking to each holiday wondering if I will have to spend it alone due to a TDY or deployment. I’m grateful that I got this holiday with him.

In fact, starting this cycle, I am going to really try counting the blessings that I have, and praying for the ones that I don’t. I have never been real religious, but I’ve had it in my life, and I think I should start taking advantage of it.

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