I have been pretty consistent with temping for this cycle and really only missed three days, when I was sick with a fever. I have been looking at the temps and Fertility Friend changed my O day from CD16 to CD17 which is wierd. Maybe that’s why I haven’t gotten knocked up yet. Ususally DH and I DTD every other day from CD8 to CD14/15 depending on what the lil OPK monitor tells us. By CD 17 we are so tired of doing it like rabbits we usually just coast through the rest of the cycle only doing it when we have the energy and we don’t have to work early. My temps for the last couple of days have been in the high 98’s (98.91, 98.93, 99.03) so I am a little hopeful, but as I said, my AF temps are always high too, so we’ll see. I guess I’m not going to stress about it too much. Afterall, DH and I both agreed that we both need to get back to makin a lab baby..and soon.
Sunday morning DH left for soccer practice, and while I was channel surfing I came across Joel Osteen. I’ve heard of him, and even seen him on morning TV shows, and always thought he was wayyy to cheesy and fake for me, but while I was mindlessly flipping through cable reruns I came across his sermon on TV. He was talking about the power of positive thinking. Ok God, I get it, I need to stop being such a dream squasher and give positivity a chance, I’ll listen to this blue eyed creepy southern boy who preaches in a mega church with a zillion people listening to him and talking about how bad his life had been…Just this once. He said that we forget the power that positive thinking can have on our actions, our bodies and our goals. He said that if we allow doubt to fill our minds then all we have in our life is doubt and questionable faith. WHAT?!?!?! You’re joking right? This got me to think, everything that I have ever had doubt about, our finances, my job, our baby, my lost pregnancy, and my shady family has always turned out for the worse. Now I know that the shitty things that have happened in my life aren’t all because I am a horribly pessimistic person, but he made me realize that my thinking that way has only made the situation worse. He also said that when others inflict doubt upon you, change it around and think only positive thoughts, or assure yourself that everything happens for a reason. So if your prayers and positive thinking don’t work out exactly the way you had hoped, remember that life does not always go according to plan, and therefore you must adapt. I must admit, through this entire infertility struggle, I have not fully accepted my struggle, and try to ignore it as frequently as possible thus not making me feel like I have to adapt. Mr. Osteen also said to train yourself to think positive, and hang a “No Vacancy” sign on your brain when you think pessimistic thoughts. While I’m at it, I think I will hang a Vacancy sign on my uterus just in case a baby needs a room to stay and grow. He said that a person would be amazed what could happen if they just had a little faith and thought positively. Well, Mr. Osteen, I have hung my “No Vacancy” sign on my brain and employed my faith. I’ll try to keep it up, for as long as AF is gone and my temps are still high…But if I wake to a red morning, your southern boy charm can kiss my ass.. Don’t worry, I will stay positive and tell myself that there is a reason I slammed your bony ass to the ground. :O.