Decision time with PMS..This could be dangerous!!!

Another Friday!! :o. Well I made it through the first week back from vacation pretty unscathed. DH and I don’t have much plans for this weekend except to clean up the yard and to go to a grad party. It’ll be nice just to have a break from the crazy weekends we’ve had so far.

PMS has officially taken up shop in my bloated, moody, hunger crazed body, and working out hasn’t done much to help. I’ve been busting my ass at the damn gym, and then ‘She’ comes and blows it all to hell. Although I can’t fully blame it on her though. Between fabulous Margaritas with breakfast lunch and dinner, and the world’s greatest wine made by my friend especially for me, the wonderful home cooked food, and the hometown restaurants I really didn’t have a fighting chance. All will power escaped me, and now I can feel every calorie multiplying ten fold into fat and cellulite on my hips, thighs and waist.

Right now, sorry to say, DH and I have not yet made our decision as to what to do this month. I did buy the Fertility Journal that “statistical bullet” recommended and another round of O sticks, so maybe we could just try one more time au naturale then move to injections next month. DH says he’s tired of waiting and wants a child tomorrow, and so do I. But, I also feel like we should get back to us again after having our marriage and home interrupted for over a year. I love him so much, and feel like we lost a lot of time together with the chaos in our lives, and I would love to say that we conceived our child because we were COMPLETELY ready to expand our love. I mean, I am ready for that now, but I don’t want to feel like anyone pressured us into hurrying things up for their convenience and schedule. Also, I feel kind of afraid. When we first started the IF clinic thing I thought Holy Shit, we have 9!!! good tries to get pregnant. Well, we’re down to only three, and quite frankly, I’m a little afraid that these next three months will be either the most happiest or most devastating times in our lives. I’m not sure if I’m ready for the latter of the two just yet. IF’s go through so much hurt on a monthly, weekly and even daily basis, I ask myself if we can take anymore. I’ll continue to keep hope and faith, and remind myself that this journey, however it ends, has forced me to grow in ways that I would have never expected. But, will still have to make my ass up within the next few days. Procrastinator…Me??? No way


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