“Patience young grasshopper”

Well, I am over my rant, and back to calm me again. I was reading a fellow IF’s blog and came across something that I really loved, and in one of “those” moments everything came back to reality for me. Having you IF blog buddies has really helped me, and I wanted to thank you all for your nice comments and encouragement. Up until yesterday, I seemed to live by the motto that “God hates me.” Even though I am spiritual, not as great at it as I would like to be, but nonetheless, spiritual, that was my live by phrase. I always thought that God hated me and that’s why he hasn’t answered my prayers for a little one. Then, after reading a blog, I realized that maybe he has answered them and I just haven’t looked at it in that way. Ever since we have started TTC, all that I can pray for is a happy, healthy baby created by me and DH. Not too much to ask for, right? That’s what we mother’s in waiting all want right? To make it the full nine months, with happy ultrasounds, and easy pregnancies, gain weight just in the belly and lose it all when we leave the hospital with our bundles of joy created by you and yours truly. Those have been my prayers. But, what if in some way, as a blogger has said, he is answering our prayers, but just not in the way that we would like. Maybe He knows that our baby would not be healthy. Scary thing to imagine, but in some small way, I like to think that actually might be true. Last year when we lost our first pg. I was told that I didn’t have to have them check for any reason as to why I m/c since it was my first one. So, I was never able to ever know what actually happened to our lil one. But, maybe that was God’s answered prayer. Maybe that baby would not have been healthy and he just knew that would have devastated me and DH too much to watch our baby suffer. Sappy stuff, I’m sure, but after reading that saying I actually felt regretful for the last post I wrote condemning the world, and all the fertile couples in it. I know that now, maybe I should be thankful for all those “unanswered prayers,” and just learn to grow some patience. I cannot force anything against its, His, Mother Nature’s, the stork’s, whatever and just squeeze out a perfect little replica of us. Patience is a virtue…But it can SUCK PIE BALLS!! Thank you Juno.

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1 Comment

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One response to ““Patience young grasshopper”

  1. I think anything you can do to find some semblance of peace with the situation is great. It’s all very difficult and overwhelming at times.

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