A dream is a wish your heart makes..

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you’re fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

—Yes, the Cinderella song. I read all the lyrics and actually love them!!

Has anyone ever felt like someone on the other side may be trying to tell you something. Ok, I’m no Sylvia Brown and I don’t watch The Twilight Zone, but lately I have been dreaming some really outlandish dreams and I can’t seem to figure them out. Except I feel like there is someone telling me something through my dreams and when I wake up I feel that weird Deja Vu feeling. For a few nights now I have been dreaming about being pregnant. But weird stuff, like the fact that I was 7 months pregnant and had no idea and neither did my RE docs who continued to Rx me my fert drugs. So, when they finally figured out that I was pg. the only thing I was worried about was that my kid could be a hermaphrodite because of all the hormones that I was taking. Strange, I know, but just as I was panicking in my dream, as I would do in real life, someone sat next to me and told me that I just needed to trust in myself and the baby that things were ok. She told me that I should be used to hearing news when I least expect and that if I tried to control everything, I can’t ever be happily surprised. In my dream I went home to tell DH the news and although happy, he was a little in disbelief until he looked down at my shirt and saw a foot pushing on my belly. Which actually made me freak out completely. I awoke just before I was about to hear if the baby, in this case a girl, was ok and healthy. It was a girl, strange since every other baby dream I have has a little boy. Either way I would love it.

Sorry, it was a long dream, and by far one of the most bizarre that I can ever remember having. When I woke up I truly felt as though it was happening, or had happened. You know how that goes, when your eyes are still trying to focus and you look around the room to see where you are. As I laid in bed trying to remember the details of the dream I couldn’t help but feel hopeful. Me, hopeful?? Really? Now I’m no dream interpretator and if anyone out there is, please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but to me, I thought the dream was about letting things happen. I’m trying to change my mind set from control freak to free spirit. However, that has proved harder than losing weight. But in my dream the woman standing in the hospital told me that if I controlled everything I could never be surprised. And this was the surprise that I have been waiting for my whole life to hear. To hear that I am pregnant, and my baby is healthy. To see the little blob in a sonogram and know that is our little blob that will grow and kick and hiccup and move inside of me until the greatest day comes when they’re born. Sappy, yes, but that’s the surprise I’ve wanted, but so far that’s what I have tried to control. So, maybe if I can take the lady’s advice and just let go for a while, I will find myself pleasantly surprised.  

We’re still on hold, and AF should be stopping by in just a few days now. We have still decided to hold off for this month, and now are even considering June, our anniversary. It’s been hard though. Everytime I pass a pg. woman or hold a tiny baby, I feel like I am letting my chance just pass by. But, I guess I can’t control it anymore. I don’t see the harm in three months more when we have been waiting for over..I  lost count. Well, good news is since I’m still fairly young, I can still wait up to like 18 more years. How many months would that be? Oh well, for now I will take the advice of the dream lady, let things happen as they should and hope for a wonderful surprise…SOON. Oh yeah, speaking of surprises, I have already lost a few lbs. At least there’s one Doc out there that can promise results, Dr. Agatson…creator of the South Beach..Now if he could only pass that guarantee to my RE.

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