Well tomorrow is my CD12 appt. and I must say I’m actually not nervous at all. I’m becoming a pro at this so I can pretty much know what to expect. Of coarse I know there are always curve balls, and I am one of the “lucky ones” that seems to always strike out on those, but hey at least I’m prepared.
DH and I were talking the other night and he made me realize that there is still hope at the end of this tunnel. He reminded me of my age and told me that we still have a lot of living to do anyway. Yes, we both desperately want a child to be a part of that life, but I know that this not the end of the road. I have wasted so much of my time dwelling on having a baby that I distanced myself and shut anyone I thought would criticize me out. I haven’t told my family about my infertility this whole time because I just thought I could play us getting pg. off as a great surprise. Not to protect them, but now as I see it, to protect me. I couldn’t face my infertility. I could not come to grip that I was not able to do something. My whole life has been a competition, and so for me to admit that I had lost, and God forbid, was WRONG was painful and disappointing to me.
However, now that I am really starting to understand and accept this whole process I am realizing that I still have like 16 good years left, and by then technology in this field could be huge. So, I guess what I’m getting at is this..Even if none of these treatments don’t work, I will continue to hold my hope that I will have my own child. I shouldn’t be afraid of IF anymore and I definitely should not avoid confrontation with it and hide. I know that I must face this stupid thing and see it through to the end..whatever that may be.