I need answers

I hate being in the dark about my infertility!!! I have tried ask the questions and have been lucky the last few times to get the answers, but now that I have a cyst blocking my ovary I have even more questions? How will I know if it’s shrinking? Is the fact that I am still continuing taking the Clomid, as Rx by nurse from hell helping or hurting my already stressed ovaries? When will the pain go away? I only have one, but can I grow more? These are all questions that I fear I will have to let go unanswered since I am not a “high concerning case” as the evil male gyno calls me. Since I’m young and there is no explanation to my IF then I shouldn’t have much to worry about. It will happen, he says, your body just hasn’t “ripened.” WTF does that mean????? Sounds like my uterus is some type of fruit found in the grocery store.

Since the pain in my lower abs is still there and I am concerned to take the remaining doses of Clomid, I’m afraid I will have to take a few desperate measures to have my case heard. Yes I’m in pain, not dying pain, but it’s there, but if evil nurse asks, I’ve been having “severe pain and it won’t go away.” White lie I know, but unless I can squeeze my way in to that office there is no way I’m getting in that easy. That place is Fort Knox!!! I need to know that the cyst is shrinking. I need to make sure that there aren’t more growing and and I need to know if this cycle will be a bust. It’s not fair that I have to beg for my results, leave message after message and still make the first move. I feel bad lying, and I am not a good one at that, but what else can a girl do? I finally received my levels for my CD4, does anyone have any insight? Spawn of devil nurse said they are ok to take the Clomid, but then again, she is the one that messed up my first IUI cycle.

Estradiol: 45.8

LH: 4.0

FSH: 6.3

Endo: 4.3

This is frustrating, and as the year for an ’08 baby slips by, I can’t help but be afraid. Have you ever asked God, or whoever up there for a sign? A sign that you will have a baby. You listen and look real hard for that moment in which you swear God made that horn honk or the bird chirp? That’s where I’m at right now. I can accept that this pg. thing may never be for me, I would be heartbroken, but ok. But to not know and not have any signs good or bad, is what is killing me. I know that I just need to have trust that it will happen, but IF has taken that away from me. I need answers and I am desperate to get them, so any honk of a horn or a bird’s chirp or a white lie to the Dr. will have to do for now.

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