Screw positivity

You know, I was actually ok with getting AF this month. I accepted it, didn’t even feel too sad. A little disappointed as usual, but hey what else is new. My Friday was really good, great weather, not much work at the office, payday and date night. But then, as some sick cruel joke the friend that I mentioned earlier that was trying for her third, a boy this time sent me a text message!!! “So I’m pregnant!!” WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN???? I HATE MY LIFE. How can the fertility God be so generous to someone who thought about having a boy as a New Year’s Resolution??? It took them 2 months!!!! I’m hurt, angry and hate to say it…jealous. I thought this may have been my month. Sounds crazy, but I can’t feel like “bitch..you stole my month!!” My number was up and you just cut in line!! I know horrible to say, but it was just the hurt to push me over the edge. And as a topper she invited us to celebrate with dinner. Sorry, but my celebration included chocolate cake and Maragaritas. Drunk me is much more congratulatory than infertile me. I guess my fish dream and the psychic was for her. I’m hopeless and feel so alone right now, but I guess it’s better to distance myself from her than break down in complete tears when I tell her how happy I am for her. Not sure that it would sound sincere if I did that…but right now I just want to screw sincerity, happy wishes, and baby thoughts altogher. Sorry so depressing, but I guess I am depressed. Gotta go, Kotex and Pamperin are calling!!!

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1 Comment

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One response to “Screw positivity

  1. melbagirl

    I am sorry for you. I hope you feel better soon.

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