As a teen you think you’re invincible. You expect to live a normal life, graduate college, get an amazing career, make lots of money, marry someone even richer than you and have all the children you want…or at least until that size 2 waist and your 4 jeans are becoming snug. HAHA. Then life happens. You realize that normalcy is just something that happens to everyone else. College doesn’t pay for itself so you have more student loans than you will ever have money. The career path you chose, although rewarding may not be made of gold and last but not least the waist in which you thought would always stay 24inches is now…well let’s just say it’s not a 24 anymore. Then, life happens again and you realize normalcy is what you make out of life. My Dh, while not on the Forbes list has provided me with a comfortable and happy life. My “children,” not of the two legged kind bring me joy and are definitelty more responsibility than I thought. You bathe them when they’ve played too hard in the rain, you make sure they know you have missed them and most of all they leave you with feeling content. The even better part..no diapers.
Although I will always long for 1 AM feedings and 3AM diaper changings, I’m learning to be content with my life. I have let so much of it pass by consumed in baby making and the need for normalcy that I have forgotten the normalcy that I already have. A house to call home, a DH who I still mady love, two M&M’s that make me laugh and a family who supports me. The student loans will come and go, my jobs will change and I’ll get a gym membership to lose the waist. All of which are completely normal. IF’s including me never feel quite normal. But I guess if you were to look at life through a different pair of glasses other than those of IF, life may not be all that bad. I’m not saying it daisies and butterflies, but learning to accept what life is regardless of “normalcy” has helped me grieve. Yes grieve..I said it. The word that I never wanted to say!!
I refused to have that word in my dictionary. I always thought that grieving meant giving up and it wasn’t normal to give up. Now I know that grieving is a process that goes back and forth. Right now I’m accepting my hurt, talk to me when AF arrives and I’m sure I’ll be angry and in denial again. But hey, according to the books that’s normal too