totally depressed

Well, I’m on the home stretch of my 2 ww and of coase, I am depressed. I know she is not just on her way, but around the corner. Anyday now she will be showing her ugly face. I’m way depressed this go round, much more than usual. I guess I just let myself actually think that this was the month. Even my psychic friend told me to expect a baby around Thanksgiving. Well, friends and psychics lie so I guess I’m the fool to believe them. I won’t be brining home my little bundle of Thanksgiving joy anytime soon. All I can do now is wait and hope for a Christmas baby. Otherwise, I’m fucked and I can kiss my dreams of a baby in ’08 out the window. After this last Clomid round we move to Gonal-F, but I think I’m going to ask for few months break. We have a vacation planned in May and our anniversary in June so maybe that would be a good time to relax and find normalcy again. All that means is that I can try to make plans for an ’09 baby. LOL the years just keep getting farther and farther apart. 3 years now we were planning for a baby in ’05 then ’06 then ’07, ’08 is almost gone..damn Of coarse those first two years don’t count considering we were not really trying. We just figured that if it happened it happened. I’m getting depressed just thinking about all those years. AF really has a horrible way of adding hormones into the mix of IF. Let’s see what she has in store this go round.


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One response to “totally depressed

  1. melbagirl

    I know how you feel and it is ghastly – not knowing for sure. Telling yourself that it’s over but secretly hoping it’s not. Well, that’s what I do. I do it ‘cos it’s supposed to make me feel better but I think it just messes with me more actually ~

    I’m thinking of you and I’m hoping you find strength when you need it.

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