Too many questions

Well, I’m almost finished with my 6TH!!! round of Clomid..ugh. Poor DH has been really great through this whole time.  He made Valentine’s really special and gave me exactly what I was looking for…comfort. He let me be sad, then said that I had too much to smile about to cry..I’ve been trying to live by those words since. Now that I am starting to get over the whole “due date” thing I think I am starting to piece everything back together and move forward, besides, what other direction can I go?. I know I said that I was trusting in God a little more than usual, but sometimes I wonder what God is punishing me for. Sometimes I wonder why God chose me for this to happen to? Is it to teach me humility? Is it to teach me to be thankful for what I already have? Is it to teach me how to be humble and patient? I’m not really sure, but I’m doing my damnest to figure it all out. It doesn’t help though that there is no medical reason that the Dr.s can find as to why I can’t conceive. I mean, at least if I knew what was wrong with me I would be able to understand. I’ve never been a real religious type, but the only thing that gives me some type of comfort is the fact that I can blame someone else for this problem since I can’t blame anything on poor body conditons. Even though I have been told by a million other fertile couples that everything will work out just as I wanted, I still have to wonder if this will ever just be it for me. After watching a friend go through multiple cycles of IUI’s, Clomid and even IVF she still was unable to conceive..And she was a year younger than me and had been trying for less time than DH and I. I’m so hurt for them. But what if that couple becomes us? Will I have to just suck it up and find the rainbow in not having a child of my own? I don’t know, we’ll see. I’m hoping to get lucky just once and find my pot of gold.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Too many questions

  1. Erin

    I just finished my 6th round of clomid… starting my 7th in the next few days. Good luck to us both!

  2. Aubrey

    My Dh and I had a horrible time conceiving a child—-and keeping it. Unfortunately, I know how you feel. I tried Clomid for almost two years(unconventional, I know). After I decided that it was my last month and I just couldn’t do that to myself (mentally) anymore -I conceived a child. With the help of progesterone and thyroid medication– I am now a mother. Lake is a beautiful baby. Things will work out for you. If you can’t have a child through your own body you can have one with your heart (through adoption). My thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Aubrey
    http://www.mamamatters.wordpress.com

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