Impatient

Ok, so, I’m finally here. It has taken me months of reading everyone else’s blog and some final hormonal induced courage to write this blog. Well, my 2 ww is finally over, and not to my surprise, another BFN. You know, I think I’m starting to really HATE HPT’s. It seems like for everyone else but me they’re the moment of truth, but for me they’re my reality of truth. Every month just another reminder that my body can’t do what it seems like every other woman’s can. I know this may seem like a pitty party, and yes, in a way it is…but I just don’t care anymore. This was our fist IUI with Clomid after 5 months of Clomid and 3 years of TTC. I’ve been told by my RE that this is just the beginning of the IF process and I should feel lucky that things are progressing so “smoothly.” “Smoothe?” really if things were going according to plan I would be working on my second by now. I should be so lucky..lucky would be to be one of those women that I have learned to despise when they say “that it just happened.” To me, things just don’t happen so maybe I’m not so lucky afterall. I mean where’s my fairy godmother, or lil lucky charmed leprechaun? One thing that I have been lucky in is love. I have a wonderful DH, and he’s been the optimistic one to carry me through all this but how much can he take? So far he has been able to accomodate my Clomid induced hot flashes with extra fans, mood swings with extra sensitivity and cravings with my fav desert. So, I guess, yes I may be lucky in love, but horribly unlucky in reproduction. Is there ever a balance? Will I eventually become ok with having one but not the other..or will I always be looking for more..and is that fair to DH? These have been my dilemmas that I just can’t seem to shake.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Impatient

  1. emilythehopeless

    hi! welcome 😀
    i feel your pain.. and RE’s are morons..
    we are not lucky.. we have so much to struggle with
    we do it quietly and without understanding.
    i do agree that we are very lucky to have our DHs.. that’s for sure.
    i’m really sorry about your BFN.. what are your plans for this cycle?
    i wish you the best! come visit me anytime!

  2. Erin

    I’m sorry about your BFN. I know what it’s like to have a love-hate with HPTs…and clomid for that matter.

    And so far as I can tell… there will never be a balance for people like us. IF is a horrible thing to go through…. and you don’t know what it’s like until you’re experiencing it firsthand.

    😦 again, I’m sorry about the BFN. if you ever want to chat, come on over to my blog…I’ve got an email link there.

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