Impatient

Ok, so, I’m finally here. It has taken me months of reading everyone else’s blog and some final hormonal induced courage to write this blog. Well, my 2 ww is finally over, and not to my surprise, another BFN. You know, I think I’m starting to really HATE HPT’s. It seems like for everyone else but me they’re the moment of truth, but for me they’re my reality of truth. Every month just another reminder that my body can’t do what it seems like every other woman’s can. I know this may seem like a pitty party, and yes, in a way it is…but I just don’t care anymore. This was our fist IUI with Clomid after 5 months of Clomid and 3 years of TTC. I’ve been told by my RE that this is just the beginning of the IF process and I should feel lucky that things are progressing so “smoothly.” “Smoothe?” really if things were going according to plan I would be working on my second by now. I should be so lucky..lucky would be to be one of those women that I have learned to despise when they say “that it just happened.” To me, things just don’t happen so maybe I’m not so lucky afterall. I mean where’s my fairy godmother, or lil lucky charmed leprechaun? One thing that I have been lucky in is love. I have a wonderful DH, and he’s been the optimistic one to carry me through all this but how much can he take? So far he has been able to accomodate my Clomid induced hot flashes with extra fans, mood swings with extra sensitivity and cravings with my fav desert. So, I guess, yes I may be lucky in love, but horribly unlucky in reproduction. Is there ever a balance? Will I eventually become ok with having one but not the other..or will I always be looking for more..and is that fair to DH? These have been my dilemmas that I just can’t seem to shake.
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